Man Without Hat

When I was young, before the idea of college, any real science, or even geography had appeared on the horizon, I wanted a job with a cool hat. In a way, I suppose, this was a symptom or manifestation of the general tenor of my early childhood. Aside from the cartoons I watched and underoos I wore, I could very well have been a 4 or 5 year old at any point in the previous 30 or so years, what with the stay-at-home mom and small town environment. In that era, it seems there were more jobs requiring hats.

Flash forward a few decades, and hats are by and large gone. I wear one when I can get away with it, but it serves no functional purpose other than keeping the sun off my shaved pate, and does noting to identify me beyond branding me as a guy who likes to wear hats. With professional hats, it seems, have gone simple job descriptions, though. A colleague of mine aspires to be a fireman firefighter; I suspect he just wants a job that's easy to explain.

What is it that I do? You know, for a living? Everyone in my department understands. many people in the company do, too. I suspect that elsewhere in the industry there are some that get it. It's not too hard to explain to those in related fields. My parents, I think, almost know. Other family and friends have some vague notion. My grandparents are pretty much a lost cause, though. It needs a name, though, one better than "Data Analyst," as well as, I think, a hat. I favor Dataherd for the name. I manage database data, telling it where to go and what to do by the thousands and hundred of thousands of records. I have helpful programs, like sheepdogs, that corral troublesome bits, and take care of the details that I can't deal with efficiently by myself.

As for a natty chapeau, I'm told my great-grandfather was a shepherd in Italy before coming to the US; I'm not sure what sort of hat was involved there, but this being Texas, I'm thinking cowboy hat.

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